Nothing makes me happier, than socks and caffeine.
Nothing makes me happier, than socks and caffeine.
“I don’t want you to know.” She replied softly, biting her lip and rubbing one hand on her leg and staring down at it as she did so. She didn’t want those images in Brittany’s head, didn’t want her to have to live with her nightmares. Brittany had always been the light in Santana’s life, the one good thing she knew she didn’t deserve. And she didn’t want to taint her more than she already had.
“I just want to help you…how can I help you if you want trust me to know the truth?” Brittany sighed trying to determine the best way possible to approach the heavy topic. She looked directly at Santana and then down at the puppy in her lap. “Don’t you think I deserve to know?” The question was hushed but she knew she needed to continue. “Haven’t you learned, doing things to protect me, making decisions for me…about what you think is best…doesn’t work?”
Santana swallowed and nodded, looking at the little pup and holding tightly to Brittany’s hands. “I know, I know I am…I just, the nightmares get to me.” She tried to shrug off her fears, releasing Brittany’s hands and starting to retreat. It was her natural defense mechanism, always had been. Pull away so no one could reach her vulnerabilities. Only she never used to do it with Brittany. Brittany had once known all her fears, all her dreams.
Brittany listened as Santana talked, waiting until she finished to respond. “Santana, honey, we can talk about it maybe it will help.” The look in the Latinas eyes was one she was not used to…it was distant, reserved, hidden. Words she would never thing she’d use when describing the Latina. When the brunette let go of her hand Brittany’s heart sank…”San…?” she questioned trying to hide the pained expression in her features. “Don’t…” she whispered. Partially pleading for the woman no to shut her out. “I only want to help you. Let me.”
“That night…him.” Santana replied quietly, keeping her gaze turned downward as she tried to calm herself. Her breathing and pulse slowed but when Jimmy lunged his little furry body onto the bed she jumped, crying out in surprise and instant fear at the sudden movement.
Brittany was at a loss for words, she had no idea how to handle such a situation, and it made her feel absolutely useless. To the point where she just wanted to cry and break down, she wanted to be held and told everything would be okay, but that couldn’t happen. It was her turn to be Strong For Santana. So she pushed down the feelings beginning to surface. She noticed Santana begin to relax and just as she was about to speak Jimmy decided to make an appearance, causing the Latina to nearly jump out her skin. “Hey…it’s just Jimmy San…” Jimmy appeared to be startled by Santana too, because he ran over curling himself between Brittany’s legs. “It’s okay Santana. I swear to you you’re safe here.
Santana finally registered where she was and what was happening, though her breathing was still short and ragged and she was still shaking. “Sorry Britt. I didn’t hurt you did I?” She asked softly, staring down at the blankets as the tears dried on her cheeks and she forced her hands to relax where they’d been tightly gripping the sheets.
“No…no hun, you didn’t hurt me.” Britt closed the space between then, drying the remainder of tears on the Latinas cheeks. “Just scared me a bit…what were you dreaming about.” Brittany pulled the sheets out of Santana’s hands, and too the shaking hands into her own. “Tell me whats on your mind Santana.”
It was dark and she could feel his weight over her, could feel him holding her down and taking what wasn’t his to touch. And then hands were shaking her and she was crying out again.
“No, please!” The Latina yelped, squirming against Brittany with tears on her cheeks before she woke up. When she did she was gasping and struggling, protests on her lips as she shoved away from the warm body next to hers. She found herself on the edge of the bed, shaking as she choked back sobs and looking around wildly to get her bearings.
It all happened so fast, she was sleep, she was awake„ she was being heaved back. Blue eyes matched brown, wide and surprised, on opposite sides of the bed. She was frozen in place, afraid for herself as well as Santana. “San…” She whispered softly, her voice laced with fear she was trying to hide. “San it’s me…” Brittany wanted to approach her but she wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to do, but she figured she’d take a chance. She moved on all fours and slowly advanced I Santana’s direction. “Santana?”
Santana nestled into Brittany once she was settled next to her. She buried her face in her shoulder and simply let her presence wash over her. But as the adrenaline brought on by the resurgence of her fears faded exhaustion set in. She stifled a yawn, her own arms wrapping around Brittany’s middle to keep her close as she fought sleep. She didn’t want to deal with the nightmares she knew waited for her.
Brittany didn’t remember falling asleep, but opening her lids to dark surroundings, she figured that was the case. It wasn’t like Brittany to fall asleep fully dressed and it wasn’t like her to wake up out her sleep either. Not since Santana had returned into her life, and she knew she was safe. She started to move, to sit p and struggle out of her clothing but the warm body pressed against her made her stop. “Santana…” she mumbles sleepily…she didn’t receive a reply, but the noise the filled the darkness was unnerving. Santana was moaning, whimpering even, her fingers gripping onto Brittany’s shirt. The blondes eyes grew wide and she shoot Santana lightly. “S…baby girl wake up…it’s only a dream.” She griped the Latinas face in attempts to capture her attention. “San.wake up.”
Santana looked down at her sweats and hoodie and shook her head, comfortable in what she was wearing. Instead she climbed onto Brittany’s bed and patted the spot next to her. She didn’t feel like speaking again, just wanting to be held for a little while. Brittany had always been the one to calm her temper when they were younger. And she knew that she would be the one able to calm her fears as well.
Brittany climbed in bed next to Santana suddenly feeling like she was coming on too strong, being too pushy. It was obvious what Santana needed, comfort and affection. She needing loving hands on her to forget the cryptic hands she was probably currently feeling. Slipping out on her pants, Brittany crawled into bed next to Santana, pulling the covers over both of them before pulling Santana flush against her cool body. “It’s okay Santana, you’re safe now. I swear, I will never let anyone hurt you. I put it on the breath in my lungs. No one will ever hurt you that way again. The blonde held the Latina close closing her eyes and rubbing small circles on her back. “you’re home now..”